35-year-old daughter refuses to pay mom back $12k, which was gifted to her for a wedding that didn't happen: ‘My fiancé ghost[ed] me’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jan 15, 2026 2:00 PM EST

Weddings are symbols of dedication and promise. So, when your fiancé decides to ghost you in the midst of wedding planning, you're probably going to feel a bit torn up.

You have everything you need: The dress, the venue, and a large amount of florals. Everything seems to be fitting into its respective places. You have your list of guests, and you even made the little name cards yourself on Canva. Just a little touch of you in between all of the commercialized bridal necessities. In a short amount of time, you'll be tying the knot with the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with. Time flies when you're in love, doesn't it?

To make matters better, your mother decided to alleviate some of the financial burden and gift you $12k for the venue and your dream dress. This is what parents are for… They want to spoil you before they send you off into the next phase of your life. How lucky are you to have been born into a family that only wants the best for you? Right before you knock on wood so as not to jinx your long, happy, soon-to-be marriage, your fiancé is nowhere to be found, and you never really find him ever. Welp.

A woman in her mid-thirties was set to marry the love of her life, but as the wedding neared, her fiancé ghosted her without a trace. The woman's mother gave her a large sum of money to help with wedding costs, as a parent only hopes they can do for their children. Since the woman's fiancé left so close to the wedding, she was unable to recover much of the money she had paid for the services. Her mother, on the other hand, repeatedly brings up this money almost seven years later. The woman explains that her mother led her to believe this money was not a loan, but rather a small gift that wasn't intended to be repaid. Now, the woman has no idea how to move forward when she realizes her mother will never let this go. Scroll below to read the full story.

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  • portrait of an older woman with a mug of tea in her hands
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA For Not Paying My Mother Back for a wedding that didn’t happen"

    i (35F) was engaged a few years back. My mother, who really had been pretty uninvolved in anything for me financially since high school, offered to pay for our wedding venue.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • i was shocked when she offered because, again, hadn't received much of anything from her in the way of helping with life since leaving home.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • but she insisted especially in the absence of my father (he passed away years prior). She said it was a gift to me and my then-fiancé.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • She also paid for my wedding dress on my birthday, calling it a gift. fast forward a few months before the wedding, my fiancé ghosts me.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • literally have not seen or talked to him since. We lived together, i was on the hook for moving his stuff and my own.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • i found out he hadn't been paying the rent (that i sent him money for every month).
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • I'd also covered deposits for other things: wedding photographer, etc...it was a crappy situation. my mom couldn't get her money back for the venue ($10k) and the dress ($2k) would either have to be resold or donated.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • i went to stay with my mother in the time immediately after (5 months in total) and she brought up the money she lost.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • in my mind, it never occurred to to me that she thought I should pay her back for a wedding that 1) never happened because i was ghosted 2)that she said was a gift at the time she paid.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • in the years since, she will weaponize that against me whenever i dont do what she wants me to do.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • be it, cosign a loan for her, force my sister to do something, etc... i literally have never, ever heard of a parent demanding to be repaid for a wedding if the relationship dissolved.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • not to mention, constantly being reminded of one of the most hurtful times of my life in an effort to guilt me into paying you feels cruel and ugly.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • most recently, she told me she still has the wedding dress (from 7 years ago!) and thinks I should be helping her to sell it.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • Still. Almost a decade later. It feels like she's holding on to it, in order to have something over me.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • white floral lace sleeveless wedding dress hanging on a hanger
    via Cate Bligh for Unsplash
  • she also has begun saying that I didn't give her anything for when i stayed with her after the aforementioned fallout from my ex.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • she also wrote about this situation on a public forum, but said that she "lost $10,000 on me" and not that she paid for her daughter's wedding and after said daughter was ghosted decided she wanted to be paid back...not by the ghostee but by her daughter!
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • (:) AITA in this situation?!
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • Jacce76 NTA, but you could also take your ex to small claims court to recoup half of the lost money. You should be helping her to sell the dress. Either at a consignment shop or on Facebook marketplace, Kijiji or eBay.
    via Jacce76
  • Technical_Fox4243 I do not know where he is. The last I heard he'd moved to a different state. That was 7 years ago though. Certainly not sure now. I've listed the dress but it never sold.
    via Technical_Fox4243
  • Glittering-Mix4531 It sounds like both of these things were given as gifts for your wedding. The wedding didn't happen, by no fault of yours, why would she make an already shitty situation for you even worse? Sure, she's allowed to be bitter that the money went to waste, but she's souring the relationship with you by demanding it back like this. NTA
    via Glittering-Mix4531
  • Equivalent_Secret_26 NTA If she wants her money back, she can go try to get it out of the immature turd that ghosted you.
    via Equivalent_Secret_26
  • shikana64 I would say NAH. It's not your mums fault your fiancée ghosted you as well. And obviously you did get some money back since the wedding did not happen?! I would definitely try to repay at least a portion without being asked. But I also don't think you are the AH here.
    via shikana64
  • Technical_Fox4243 Nope. Due to the wedding being called off so close to its date, I got nothing back. $0. Would have gladly given it to her if I had. But I did not. And she knows that.
    via Technical_Fox4243

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